As I change my views about well-being, updating my profile is a must. After all, a writer’s profile resonates much the same as an intention. While journeying along in this life, my aspirations inevitably must change, as seeking vital well-being requires. The profile description has changed several times already since beginning blogging in 2010. The most recent was:
“After walking away from an antiquated patriarchal belief system, I have my ups and downs. Some days go really well. Other days? Well, I slide into a dark hole. Yet my soul has not given up on my right to exist. So, crawling out of my despair, my soul seeks the root source of the split belief within myself, in order to bring itself into balance.”
But then, as time passes, the old profile begins to get wearisome. After all, I don’t stumble into so many dark holes anymore. They aren’t quite as deep and perhaps the landing is not nearly so harsh — graciously.
Finding Harmony with Self
It turns out that I’ve been way too hard on myself, believing myself to be somehow out of balance. Split beliefs insinuate “brokenness” and in need of an awful lot of fixing. It turns out my inner being doesn’t agree with any of that. Surprisingly, there are aspects of me that are not at odds with my Self at all. Those parts of my nature which express harmoniously all the facets of who I am doesn’t want anything from me. It sees no need to fix me. It discerns no necessity to correct anything within me. It doesn’t expect me to manage, nor track, nor negotiate anything. There is nothing for me to “do”, other than simply receive the invitation to “be” — without pressure. How amazing is that!
Trying Out a Koan
Recently, I’ve been working on a koan, [pronounced kōh-ahn], a noun which means a non-sensical or paradoxical question put to a meditation student, for which an answer is demanded. The word “demanded” seems kind of strong, but that’s Zen Buddhism for you. After all, the word originates with Zen Buddhist monks from Japan. The shallow dictionary definition begs going deeper. Words fail me. However, one might add that a koan is non-sensical only to the mind — the answer must be felt — in the body.
Yes, a practice of meditation has been ongoing for the past fifteen years or so. It’s been a turbulent journey. Through it all, I examined and re-examined my reasons for meditating, as growth requires many evaluations and constant adjustments. After all, nothing stays the same, does it. Indeed, there were some rough times in my past efforts to meditate, and still bumpy patches present themselves more than occasionally.
Periodically a reprieve presents itself, where meditation feels like a refresh, a reset, a clearing, a settling, maybe even a nourishing. Interestingly — even surprisingly — it provides me with a deep sense of well-being. Even better, there’s no searching for it. It was there all along, just waiting to be noticed. Ah, yes. The perception of well-being was already present within my Self. So, why not give my attention to that “pre-existing” well-being?
“My attention gently draws itself toward that hint of well-being. I allow my being to rest further into that. My Self serenely explores that quiet, restful being-ness with an ever-so-gentle emerging calmness. My inner being experiences a sense of peacefulness, aliveness, clarity, refreshment, ease, quietude, vitality. All of that feels very much like vital well-being.”
I’m sensing quite a switch from the woman who wrote all those previous blogs. To say “most of the time” might be a stretch, but sporadically — at least — there’s some growth. It’s a kind of “grace”. Finding myself at those sweet spots, life seems somehow “new” and different, knowing that my own direct experience of well-being is showing me the way, bringing to consciousness just who I am and how to express myself in my world.
It has been said that, “what you give your attention to — will grow.” The concept of vital well-being-ness is truly satisfying!
Now readers may know why my new koan is,”What is vital well-being?” — comments are always welcome!
The Self in Full Bloom Here is my book review for the audible book that helped me the most in my attempts at meditation.
Monkey Mind Here is how I used to meditate. You’ll get a chuckle! 😉
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